Nervous,
with no idea what we’re doing here.
ALOVE joins the disciples in the upper room.
The walls of this room seem very close. There
are a good number of us in here, and everyone
is hovering on the edge of anxiety and anticipation.
We had thought life could not have changed
any more radically than it did when we met
him. After that, those of us who chose to
follow knew that life would never be the same.
And it wasn’t. Three years of miracles,
controversies, crowds, constant travel and
a whole new way of looking at the world. The
power of his words, his actions, his stories
and his love went beyond all boundaries, all
restrictions, all ideologies and all philosophies.
We thought it would take over the world.
But now? Could we really deny the evidence
of our eyes? We saw the body taken from the
cross, prepared for burial, and placed in
the tomb. He was gone. We felt lost. Should
we be tempted to believe that the past three
years was just a dream?
These are our questions. We don’t have
the answers. We have no idea what we’re
really doing here or what’s coming next
and the waiting is killing us. Outside the
confines of the room are groups who would
love to see us accused, tried, and killed
for treachery, b.shtmlhemy, whatever charge
would stick. Not so much because they think
we have any real power – not after what
they did to our leader – but just to
tie up all the loose ends. We all know there
would be no real hope of a defence against
them either. Our enemies have shown just how
capable they are at prosecuting the innocent.
What should we do? Separate and go our own
ways? Head back home and try to forget the
whole thing ever happened? Or should we get
out and do something, speak to people, follow
through with the promise, make ourselves feel
productive?
Yet the word was to wait; for someone; something;
right here in Jerusalem.
He said he would send a counsellor; that we
would be witnesses of his salvation for the
whole world, and that he would be with us
until the end. So we are trying to lay down
our fears and uncertainties, and to pray for
this promised counsellor. We are asking for
the Spirit of our Lord to be amongst us as
it was before.
It is the dominant theme in our every waking
and sleeping thought, our every conversation,
our every hope for the immediate and distant
future.
